I just convinced my personal chiropractor (AKA, my husband) to please rub some Bengay on my back. I hope this will relieve the constant back pain and mild hunchback I have developed after years of bending down to pick up miscellaneous stuff off the floor (miscellaneous refers to living and non-living entities, and range from safe to bio hazardous material). You see, I have been a mother for the past 11 years. I have 3 sons (I'm not counting my husband, mind you, but he can technically be considered the 4th child), ranging from ages 5-11.
My brother and sister-in-law have told me time and again that I am their best birth-control system. They no longer need to worry about missed pills, broken condoms, or wrong count. All they do is have us over for dinner and remind themselves why getting a fish or bird is the right decision to make. Needless to say, they have us for dinner every obligated sex day of the year: birthdays, wedding anniversary, Valentine's Day, and President's Day (don't ask why).
The last time we had a family outing at a famous family restaurant chain, we had a family picture taken and were told never, ever to come back again! Here's the story: We waited about 45 minutes to be seated and by then, the boys were hungry and wild. While we were waiting to be served, they started screaming and breaking the cheap crayons that were supposed to keep them busy for sometime (can't these restaurants invest in crayons that actually color?). By now, the people sitting next to us were staring at us, and yes, we got the message: did you forget your kids' Ritalin doses today? Our waiter took pity on us and brought the boys some mints... cinnamon mints to be specific. My 5 year old started choking on this awful tasting mint and I had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. He started gagging and threw up on the table! The restaurant patrons were about to riot by now! But wait, there's more (of course there is)! My precious baby was so mad at the stupid mint that he grabbed it and threw it behind his back. Needless to say, it landed on some guy's bowl of soup. When we paid our bill, the hostess kindly told us that we were banned from their establishment and that our family picture would be faxed to their entire chain, so please, do not try any funny business like moving to a different state just to eat at our restaurant! This is just a normal event in our daily routine.
I know I should bill my sister-in-law's medical insurance company for birth control services rendered, however, the truth of the matter is: I would not change a minute of my life with my 3, er, 4 boys. And you know what? My brother and sister-in-law could not agree more!! They have decided to have 3 of their own as well!!!
Copyright 2007.
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