The Welfare Queen

I work in the Social Services field and have done so for the past sixteen years. When discussing work in general with friends, I am invariably asked about the infamous "Welfare Queen." You know her: she applies for assistance once she starts producing babies (the more kids, the more help you get), drives to her appointment on a brand new BMW, calls from her iPhone, and watches soaps all day long on her plasma TV. Oh, and of course, each child has a different ethnicity because the sugar daddies come from all walks of life.

I find it quite interesting that people assume they know who my clients are. When they go into their diatribes about these scheming divas, I can only wonder: "who are you talking about?"

Sure, I must concede that fraud against government social services does exist. However, in all these years working in this field, I can honestly say I have had one (that's right, 1) client committing out-right, premeditated fraud. One! This is less than 1% of the entire population I have worked with. I have had clients hiding assets or daddies here and there, but in a welfare system that penalizes dual parent households, I do not blame them. It is either hide what you have, or not put food on the table at the end of the month. The kind of fraud that deserves criminal prosecution, trust me, my dear I-pay-my-taxes fellow, is not pervasive. I repeat: is not pervasive.

Why do I write about this much talked about subject, you may wonder? Well, I got my hands on a government application for assistance today (I will spare the "offending" party by not naming names)and curiously went over it. The first few pages had the normal questions such as demographics, income, residence verification, children's information, etc, etc. (it's a long, tedious application). What really caught my eye though, was the section about paternity. I could not believe what I was reading! Am I reading Cosmo magazine or a government application?

- In what city did you have sex with the baby's father for the first time? I thought that what happened in Vegas, stayed in Vegas, darn!
- Was the baby's father impotent or sterile when you became pregnant? I dunno, could have been immaculate conception!
- Did you ever check into a motel with the baby's father? Nah, we just went at it in a public restroom.
- Did you have sex with other men besides the baby's father during the time you conceived? Hmmm... does one score points if the answer is yes?
- When did you have your last menstrual period? I wonder if spotting counts?

I have a couple more questions for our government to add to their forms:

- Did you enjoy having sexual intercourse with the baby's father?
- If the baby's father was impotent, did you enjoy having sexual intercourse with other homies?
- Did you enjoy a cigarette after you did the deed?

Most clients that come to us for assistance do so because they truly need it. They are not trying to "jip" the system as many people think. Many come during crosspoints in their lives: difficult transitions that make government assistance necessary to survive. They are already mortified by the whole situation (I usually keep Kleenex in my office for the clients that have just lost their jobs, are waging custody battles, have just turned their home keys due to foreclosure) and the government dares ask about checking into a motel (and implies they may have done so with more than one guy)! A few rotten apples (emphasis on the word few) and many hard working Americans have to undergo scrutiny of the most intimate aspects of their lives with impersonal government workers?

I do not mind "my taxes" being used to put food on a child's plate. Their parents' lives do not having any bearing on whether these kids can eat or have access to adequate health care. I do mind my taxes being used to print material that is meant to insult and discourage people just when they need help the most. We live in the country of The Plenty. We should be able to feed those in need and not make them feel less than human for asking for help. Don't forget, we might just walk in their shoes someday! We might just become Welfare Queens.