Growing up, Dad would always tell us the story of how Mom's youngest brother almost made him go broke. When Mom and Dad were dating, it was customary for a family member to chaperone their dates. This chore usually was assigned to Mom's baby brother, Jorge. If the couple decided to watch a movie, Jorge would tag along on their date. This meant Dad had to pony up for, not two, but three movie tickets plus any snacks and drinks they had. This was not easy for someone living on a student pastor's stipend! Dad loved Mom too much and did not complain. After all, you're supposed to fight for the ultimate prize, right?
Jorge's mind starting thinking, though:
-Why should I have to go everywhere with these two losers when I could go by myself or my friends? Obviously, money is no objection!-
And so it became that Dad would pay Jorge to pretend to accompany them on their dates. The price for not having the pleasure of little junior's company increased double fold and Dad's wallet decreased three fold! But he couldn't complain or any thoughts of kissing Mom would evaporate like his dollar bills had. Every time I heard this story I would feel sorry for my parents. Can't decent people make out and not declare bankruptcy anymore?
Skip twenty years into the future, and there I was in our living room's sofa. Egon and I were on a date, watching TV. Such a romantic moment, his right hand on my left hand, my right hand on... wait a minute, this is not Egon's hand! Oh of course, my baby brother is sitting right smack in the middle. He is obviously enjoying himself. I can't complain to my parents, after all, what excuse could I make so that Egon and I are left alone and nobody to watch, right?
This has been going on every weekend Egon and I are on a date. I try to persuade little Junior to leave, but my pleas fall on deaf ears.
-Hey, I live here, too, and I want to watch TV as well. You can't make me leave! -
I can't believe this little insect has the upper hand!
-Who does he think he is? Quick, think! I am dying to make out with my boyfriend and he can't wait to get to 3rd, er, I mean, 1st base!-
Of course, the future financial consultant to Fortune 500 companies has everything planned in advance. After all, this is the guy who beat my other brother and I at Monopoly when he was only 3! Blackmail! And we're not just talking your garden-variety-give-me-money-to-buy-a-soda-blackmail. Oh no, we're talking $30.00 a date or: "Mom will hear about your boyfriend's paws on your boobs! Of course he's pawing you, but who do you think Mom will believe"?
And so it was that Egon had to request that his HR Department at work direct deposit half his salary to my little brother every month for making-out fees. I personally believe it was worth every penny, although Egon's electricity at home was cut a couple times. Hey, we're talking priorities here!
Fast forward another 20 years. My baby son comes running to the house very excited.
-Mom, mom!!!! Look, Lily gave me $1.00!-
-Why would our next door neighbor's daughter give you money for? Are you sure you didn't steal it from her?-
-No Mom, she gave it to me so that I would leave my older brother Lucas and her alone. Now I must stay inside and watch TV.-
-Lucas! Come back inside right this minute!-
Copyright 2007.
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